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(no subject) [Oct. 31st, 2009|11:07 pm]

My homeopathic cure malfunctioned!?

I was trying to cure my priapism so I went to my homeopath and he gave me his most powerful priapism cure.

Unfortunately he must have succussed it too much so the water remembered too far back! At some point this water must have been in contact with dinosaur genetalia because my priapism has now been replaced with triceratops cloaca! I have gone to my chiropractor, ingested thyme and lemon oil, had an ear candling, downed 18 Acai berry pills, and gotten 7 coffee colon cleansings but nothing is working!

I downed about a litre of apple cider vinegar and that just gave me diarrhea, and I couldn't find any medicinal herbs to treat that with so I was forced to eat all the fresh cilantro my wife was going to make dinner with tonight.

Are there any natural cures for a violently angry wife?

Please help, I will try anything at this point!

Hmmm...as a fully qualified professor of homeopathy (amongst my vast CV I can include a dusty book on the subject from 1895 and a framed certificate I printed off the 'net) I can easily diagnose the problem even though I've never met you.

Firstly, beware of false homeopaths! (I hope you didn't get this guy's details from a random website that anyone can contribute to?)

Secondly, it's clear that your elixir was diluted too much! I'm taking an educated (heh!) guess at maybe 1 part in 100 quadra tetra trillion trillion trillion? When it should have been 1 in 100 quadra tetra trillion trillion! It's an easy mistake to make, getting your figures out by a trillion, so don't be too harsh on him.

Thirdly, you haven't tried apple cider vinegar, had your chakras adjusted or tried distance reiki, never mind collidal silver, sticking needles in yourself or thrashed yourself with herbs.

If none of those work then it's time to break out the bad boy: Yep, smoky quartz crystal, held firmly against your forehead (after recharging in moonlight obviously!) If crystal healing can't help you then you're as good as dead.

At least you didn't give a couple of $$ to the Big Pharma monster eh? That'll show 'em!

The quartz aligned my chakras and I'm all better now.
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(no subject) [Oct. 11th, 2009|02:51 am]
I have been trying to get my wireless router back up and running.

This has taken roughly six years off of my life and I now fantasize daily about murdering my computers with a pick axe.

Anyone who has experience in such matters, your help would greatly be appreciated.
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Wedding Registries are here! [Oct. 8th, 2009|08:57 pm]
[mood |anxiousanxious]



Honeymoon fund
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(no subject) [Oct. 6th, 2009|08:14 pm]

If you have not RSVP'd PLEASE do so!
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(no subject) [Oct. 6th, 2009|07:13 pm]
so I have recently changed up my workout program.  I gave up all the "make Flizbap look sexy" exercises and I am now focusing solely on the "Make Flizbap healthier and strong as a bull" exercises.  I realized that I am 5'9", balding, bow-legged, have man boobs, have a hairy back, have hairy shoulders, waddle when I walk, and have never weighed under 200 lbs in my adult life... the sexy body boat sailed away from this port a looong time ago and has since crashed and burned.

So while I am now doing exercises geared solely towards health and strength I am utterly astonished at the amount of people (especially men) who seem to do nothing but "make me sexy" exercises. The endless amount of curl variations never cease to amaze me. 

If you're 38 years old and have not been in the gym in 7 years, you don't need an "arm day".  If you're 17 and trying to get muscular, you don't need an "arm day".

The only reason you should need an "arm day" is if you're trying to make money based off of your appearance, anything else is just fucking stupid.
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(no subject) [Oct. 4th, 2009|07:06 pm]
yay! email all better
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(no subject) [Oct. 4th, 2009|07:02 pm]
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so to top it off... [Oct. 2nd, 2009|04:11 pm]
my main email address seems ot have been seized by some unseen force, or perhaps a 16 year old with too much free time on their hands, whatever.

regardless of who i is the end result is the same: I have no access to my primary email account and someone else does.  I have stopped freaking the f' out long enough to come on here and tell not to respond to any emails i send you from hotmail till i post on here again, as hey are probably going to contain something stupid and/or gross.

Damn this sucks hard.
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(no subject) [Aug. 30th, 2009|03:05 pm]

Jusst a heads up to all, the wedding may get cancelled... I really hope not but it might happen.

And no. the fiance and I are not on the outs we are still very much in love, it's just that weddings cost a lot of damned money and our finances are the shits.

I will make sure to keep everyone abreast of the situation.
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Trouble in happy land... [Aug. 26th, 2009|08:21 pm]
So all the icons have disappeared off of my start menu, anyone know what the hell is going on to my computer?
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